The Power of No

Two toy figures.

Set healthy boundaries, especially with family and friends.

The holidays are a wonderful time to embrace the potency of saying no.

As I write this we’re putting a wrap on November and heading into the frenzy of winter holidays, American Style.

Just insert yourself into your favorite Hieronymus Bosch painting, dole out a few Santa hats and candy canes and that’s pretty much what I’m talking about.

It’s the perfect time of year to practice saying no. Not an apologetic no, the one where you have to qualify and explain and justify and negotiate (to yourself or to others). Look inside yourself, past the people pleasing, past the lack of personal authority and find that uncompromising no. The no that owes no explanation.

It’s not a defensive no. It’s not a no that contains a subext of “I don’t give a giddy fook how you feel about this.” It’s a no that is so secure in itself, in the authority from which it comes, that it doesn’t need to defend itself, even internally.

Spend money, eat, drink, drive here and there, shop, shop, shop, Secret Santa, obligatory cocktail parties, cook, bake, look for parking, people you don’t like, situations that drain you, what am I doing? Why am I here? Frenzy. One more party. Last minute gifts. Sugar. Booze. Social Media immersion hell.

And yet…for us in the Northern Hemisphere at least…it’s winter! Winter is pure magic. Winter is the depth of the heart’s delight. Winter holds the promise of what’s next, but yet unseen, unknown. Winter holds the whispers of lives past and yet to be lived. Don’t squander your winter magic, people.

Find your no. Get used to wielding it…it takes some skill to do it well. 

It takes time for people around you to adjust to this, perhaps heretofore unknown, no. It can feel really uncomfortable at first, for you and for everyone else. So be patient with yourself and with them. 

Using the uncompromising no internally also takes some getting used to. Sometimes it’s ourselves or our reflexive tendencies we need to say no to. Are you indulging in food or booze that feels good for five minutes and then just makes you sick? Are you indulging in soggy old-era emotions, habits or attitudes? When you say no internally, watch to see if there is any reaction. 

This can range from negotiating with yourself, justifying your no, or even feeling smug and oh so self-congratulatory. Can you say no and then drop the whole thing, immediately? This kind of no that I’m talking about has nothing beyond it — you’ve dropped any possibility of whatever it is you said no to and so it doesn’t exist for you, it no longer has anything to do with you. 

Say yes to everything you love, or to things you truly want or need to do, or even frivolities you truly want to engage in…this isn’t about being grim after all.

But do learn to say no-full-stop. The no that annihilates. The no that is true. And carry this forward beyond the holidays…see what happens!

“It is better for me to offend him once, than myself every day. That would be perpetual slavery.”

Montaigne
Essay: Ceremony of Interviews Between Kings

More Basic Human Series

Woman in hotel room looking out the window.

Compassion: What is it?

We’re continuing on the theme of greeting yourself with open, friendly curiosity. This time, we approach it from the perspective of compassion. Compassion means something different to everyone, so in a sense, this is a meaningless word. Everyone nods in agreement, “Oh yes, we must give ourselves compassion.” But what does that even mean?

Mental chatter and deprogramming

Mental Chatter is the Mind’s Default Mode

There are parts of your brain that register and process various types of experience, and another that narrates it. In default mode, they activate almost at the same time. You can train your brain not to do this, allowing you to process experiences without the intrusion of the inner monologue. The brain’s default mode is linked to the Task Negative Network. When this area of the brain is active, the mind wanders, there is no clarity of focus and the Narrator reigns supreme.

Spider in a web.

Deprogramming is Possible

Are you ready to update your mental default programming?
I think what’s hard is not knowing where to apply ourselves…spending our energy in places where we’re ultimately spinning our wheels, which is exhausting and dispiriting. (by design…bastards!)

Hand under water.

Continuing in the Face of Discouragement

I gather, guard and transmit my power, my essence, my signature. It’s really quite effortless and natural at this point, but can you even imagine all the times I bumbled through it? Don’t expect instant facility with clearing, filling or shielding. When you experience any facility with it, celebrate and appreciate it. Focus on the wins, mine every possible bit of useful information from instances where it doesn’t work as intended or expected.

Woman combing hair.

Under The Hood: Perfection

Do you have the Perfectionism Program constantly running in the background of your Operating System? Do you keep adjusting your behavior to satisfy its demands? How much baseline stress does this create in your system?

Sunflowers.

What’s Your Ratio? Spiritual Consumption vs Practice

Are you serious about spiritual evolution, personal growth, deprogramming the mind, mastering your thoughts, emotions and focus? This bad habit may be holding you back.

Woman covering her face.

Bombardment Tactics

What happens when the Programs fight back? Imagine you are playing tennis with the Programs. You’ve got a nice volley going—they hit the ball to you, you are able to see it, position yourself through these techniques you learn in the Peerless Series and hit it back. Back and forth. Then, they will up the game and do a bombardment.

Two foxes fighting.

Inner Dialogue vs Outer Diaologue

Normal is not the same as sane. What makes you different from the crazy homeless lady, dressed in rags, talking nonsense day after day? She’s having an animated dialogue with herself, and if you actually stop to listen to what she is saying, it’s usually rather unpleasant. We are all grateful not to be so afflicted, but how different are you, really? From my perspective, not much.

It's not too late to learn life skills your parents didn't teach you

Learn life skills your parents didn’t or couldn’t teach you

Ready to deprogram destructive patterns you learned growing up? Great, but that’s only half of it. It’s your choice, and also your responsibility. That’s a fantastic place to be, assuming you are willing to come fully into that responsibility, be completely honest with yourself and do the work necessary to delete or replace any faulty programming.

Guided meditation to get guidance from your higher self.

Future Self Audio Spell How To Enter The Void.

Healing Audio Spell

Dream Seeds Vol 3 Eclipse Advanced Dreaming

Wealth audio spell shifting reality streams

Haunted by family legacy and past lives.

enter the sanctuary audio spell

Emotions and thoughts, are they even yours?