What are the effects of childhood trauma on the soul?
When you look at your soul, what do you see? Wounds that need healing? Damage?
An unconventional experience of child abuse, trauma and the soul through meditation.
Does being abused as a child damage your soul?
I was adopted as a baby and raised by two very abusive parents. They were abusive in every way, except I was not sexually abused, nor was I neglected. I actually lived a life of material privilege. On the surface, my parents seemed wonderful. In private, they were horrors.
I was removed from my home and put into protective custody, and after that into a group home. Therapy was mandatory. Once “in the system”, everyone treated me like I was irreparably damaged. It was the first time I’d ever been regarded that way. Growing up, I was a star: a gifted student, athlete, ballerina. I was the one with a bright future.
I had never considered myself to be damaged. I always felt my parents were the damaged ones. I was quite shocked to be told in so many ways, either directly or by the way people treated me, that I was broken in ways that were deep and irreversible. In therapy I was continually coaxed to look for this damage. I received poor reports from the therapist because I continued to assert that this was not my reality. I was told I obviously didn’t know my own reality. I was, to them, in denial. Making no progress. Going through therapy was horrible. It was akin to a kind of brainwashing. If I gave in to it, I would have received lots of praise and approval. I would have been a “good patient”.
But I stuck with my reality. They made sure it was a hard and unpleasant road. They had a world view that was as sacred and irrefutable as any religious dogma. There could be no exceptions. I was a heretic.
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