I experienced Kundalini awakening at the beginning of this year, and I totally lost my touch with reality (saw entities, visited another dimensions, went to the forest intending to find my “alien family”, felt magnetic and energetic fields around me and other people etc. And I used to consider myself quite rational person before this!).
When I came back, I noticed that my emotions are gone and also my heart feels hollow. My body used to hold a lot of tensions, and now those tensions are gone (which is positive), but now I feel myself like a nonenergetic mollusk. I just sit and stare with my dysfunctional brain. No isnpiration, no love, no desire for sex, food, achievement or human company. No thoughts. My memory is gone. Time has somehow stopped. Sometimes it is hard to speak. I have lost my job and my capability to paint and create. I thought I would find my “true self” or something like that, but opposite thing happened. I have no sense of self, I exploded in to pieces and cannot make new form of it.
I would need help how to navigate and function in the world again. I have a little daughter, so I cannot stay like this forever. I am afraid that I will soon be completely handicapped and locked out from the society, if I let this process continue. There is resistance, boredom and fear, but they are quite hard to recognize and articulate.
Thank you for your precious blog, it is the only recourse I have found comforting. When I tried to discuss about this with “spiritual” people, they attacked me, or refuse to listen. I was labelled p**chot*c. This is very lonely path.
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When I woke up, I became an alien species. That’s what it felt like. As though I was at once just kicked out of the human race. Or, perhaps like being turned into a vampire or something.
That is a lot to deal with, but I had the advantage of realizing completely that this was a done deal and there was no looking back. I couldn’t even have normal, casual conversations with people anymore. I had to learn to “be human” or pass as human.
Here’s my sales pitch:
If you wake up, the result will be that you will be awake.
Attain clarity and the result is that you will see the world and life as it is. You will give up everything and you will gain only awakeness and clarity.
Waking up means being awake. From there, you will see what you see and know what you know. Anyone who pitches you with any other benefit or endgame of enlightenment is selling you something else.