I know what you mean about needing to withdraw from being the center of all that energy and attention for a while.
And I know well the fear of letting go of what you know and not knowing what fills that space. It’s so very uncomfortable. And this is partly why I want to reach out to people via my website, because most literature out there just tells you that awakening is wonderful and all your problems will disappear. You’ll be rich and healthy and your bald spot will fill in again, because you are so aligned, you are so positive and free of fear, etc.
Blast! Awakening is amazing and powerful and all that. And maybe for some people everything falls into place perfectly when they awaken. Everything is okay from an expanded perspective, but it’s still scary as hell. Especially since we don’t have a lot of practical guidance or encouragement. Where’s the users manual for this?
Sit with your fear. I hope that, without trying to escape or remedy the fear, you can also hold the excitement of the unknown future.
Also hold the powerful KNOWING that you are here in this very pivotal time and place to pour out your heart strength and your compassion and your laughter, you are here to explore your unique gifts (which may get more unique as things unfold in your awakening) in the world. The world will call forth your gifts, one by one, day by day in ways that may look very different from how you used to deliver your gifts. And there is likely no reason whatsoever for you to be financially impoverished or destitute in this process. While you may experience big shifts and rearrangements in your life, there is likely no reason your life needs to crumble into little pieces. If you or others would benefit from that experience for whatever reason, it might come. But if not, then I’d recommend skipping it!
So you’ll sit in friendliness with your fear, not trying to banish it with forced positive thinking, not trying to banish it by making money or making your career plans more solid.
Your fear doesn’t actually arise from not knowing how you will make your money or what your career will be or anything specific.
Fear will likely be a companion to you at various stages as you let one pattern of life dissolve, before the next pattern comes into clear focus. It does often feel we are afraid of something specific, like fear of not having sufficient income, and by thinking that way we make that external thing more of a problem rather than letting it be just another element of the new pattern that has yet to come into focus. The fear is there as a natural response to shifting the pattern. Make your money and your career plans in joy and excitement and creativity and anticipation…not as a remedy or reaction to fear. Can you be afraid, but not mentally attach the fear to a subject?
This is kind of subtle, but I’ve found it makes a difference. Even telling yourself that you are afraid because the future is unknown is attaching the fear to something. It means if the future was more in focus for you, you would not be afraid. So then there is a remedy to fear, which is getting more details lined up to solidify the future. The fear is just there as part of the pattern shifting. It’s not because you don’t know what the future holds. In a sense, even when you thought you knew what the future held, did you really? No! Even if you had a solid career, you could be hit by a bus the following day or there could be a natural disaster or a pandemic or a stock market crash…no work, or a severe disruption of business as usual or a drastic loss of value in your investments.
So while it always seemed like you knew more or less the details of your immediate future, every day was in fact another opportunity for absolutely anything to happen.
You are needed and wanted and welcome in this world, why should life not reach out to support you? If you have any lingering beliefs as to why life should not rise up in full glory and infinite creativity to support you, now is a great time to notice them and kiss them goodbye.
These beliefs usually come in layers, so even if you have dissolved them on one level, once you get to the next level and you are about to repattern, you are given the opportunity to access the next, more subtle layer of your old-era beliefs so that you can clear them before the repatterning is set for the next phase.
Each time you get to investigate increasingly subtle aspects of your beliefs. I am in process of doing this right now, as I am squirming uncomfortably between patterns!
Even though this space of being in between is uncertain and uncomfortable, it is the best place to locate these artifacts of conditionality, the places we say no to life.
Anyway, I’ve gone on at length about fear. I was afraid, too.
And I still am, every single time I break out of another shell and emerge into another unknown state of being. It can take a while for the new pattern to come into focus. Sometimes it happens faster, but during the times when it takes very long, there is a lot of fear. Maybe I’ll get to the point where I no longer feel fear when I’m in between patterns. It’s funny though, now when I feel the most fear it’s kind of an indicator that big things are happening.
Full awakening is life altering. Seeing through the illusion of self is life altering. If you are looking for more practices, books, retreats and methods I can only surmise that you have not in fact seen through the illusion of self. I’m not negating your experience. It may have felt very profound. I am only suggesting that you have seen through the illusion of self either momentarily, then returning to separate self consciousness or you have had this experience in some kind of partial or intellectual way.
Spirituality can fuq you up. Spiritual pursuit, meditation and practices can illuminate a few corridors, while leaving you blind to everything else. Sometimes spirituality is the worst thing that can happen to you. How can you tell if you’re having a spiritual problem, or a problem with spirituality?
Are you serious about transforming your life? I was asked if I have a morning ritual or if I set an intention for the day. I don’t set my intention for the day. I don’t even know what that means. I wake up before dawn. It’s not a ritual, it…
Reader Q&A. If you’ve got a ticket to Nirvana, why should you stick around ’till the curtain closes? A reader observes that people are unreal, that suffering is inherent in life, and all he wants to do is get to that state we call Nirvana. How do we approach this duality of Real/Unreal and Existence/Nirvana? Let’s look.
After a Kundalini activation you might find people reacting to you in the most unusual ways. If you find your energy has become a bit intrusive and it’s affecting your sex life as well as how you deal with people in general, you’ll want to read this reader Q&A.
Normal is not the same as sane. What makes you different from the crazy homeless lady, dressed in rags, talking nonsense day after day? She’s having an animated dialogue with herself, and if you actually stop to listen to what she is saying, it’s usually rather unpleasant. We are all grateful not to be so afflicted, but how different are you, really? From my perspective, not much.