Chariot

Gorgeous. Yes. Lots of flux and totally batshit crazy. But, beautiful.

My supposed personal lifetime Tarot is the Chariot. Who knows…some book I read ages ago. Fits though, on so many levels. The Tower has been my card du jour for like…how long, now? This year at least. Invigorating. Horrifying. Is there anything left? I keep thinking, “nope, that’s it, nothing left to burn down.” And yet…

I’m pretty much in a constant state of amazement, astonishment. Everything is real/not real. Just throughout the day, I’m fuqing astonished at…I don’t know….my curtains, my desk, this weird idea that Time is happening, the constant stream of totally unbelievable, unlikely characters that flit across the screen of my so called life. Who are these people? Who is making this sh*t up?

Whatever. I move from waking dream to sleeping dream and back again. Watching the set pieces organize, solidify and dissolve.

It’s ultimately lonely. But then, who can bother with that? You notice it, then what? Nothing.

It’s fun to tinker with our weaknesses. Why not? What else are you going to do? As long as you know it’s not serious, not Fixing You. It’s just tweaking the recipe, picking out the cockroach legs so the cake frosts up nicer.

No big deal, but why not do it? Personally, I find it quite diverting. Plus, I’m vaguely aware that I’m building a better vehicle, for later.